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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25303432">making a list</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/R00M203/pseuds/R00M203'>R00M203</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, NSFW, Smut, fluffy fluf, sadness as usual, tw panic attack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:15:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25303432</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/R00M203/pseuds/R00M203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>mulder comes over for Chinese food and sex. things don't go as planned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder &amp; Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi hi this is my first chaptered fic, eek!! there's fluff and smut and angst and all that. MASSIVE thanks to @stellaxxgibson and @cherry_funk on here and @special_tramp on tumblr for the beta and love :) </p><p>TW: panic attacks</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Fuck.” Scully reaches for a tissue to dab away the red now pooling below her knee. She grips her bath towel, holding it around her with one hand.</p><p>
  <em>That’s the last time I buy razors from the dollar store.</em>
</p><p>She groans, stamping her feet slightly as she attempts to stop the blood flow with her mind. Mulder is twenty minutes away, and her hair is still wet.</p><p>Normally, she wouldn’t care. Having worked together for the past seven years, to say he’d seen her at her worst would be an understatement. But this is new Mulder. This is the Mulder she has sex with. It’d been a few months, but she couldn’t shake the fluttering in her stomach when she thought of him in <em>that way</em>. It started angry, and passionate. After everything with Diana, letting him back in was difficult. Of course, there was no issue letting him <em>in</em>. That part seemed almost instinctual, like a need to reclaim her territory, over and over and over. Letting him back in emotionally, to those hidden parts of herself he’d slowly gained access to over the years, was another story.</p><p>But, she finally started to soften, finally allowed herself to be vulnerable with him again. Now, he is gentle and slow and careful. Almost too careful. She missed the initial passion, that instinctual need to dominate. They’d been meeting at his apartment, but tonight <em>he</em> is coming over to <em>hers</em>. Coming over to not work. Coming over to put his callused hands on her face, around her neck, down her back, in her-</p><p>A quiet knock at the door. She jumps, dropping the bloody tissue onto the terracotta tile. She stays still a moment.</p><p>
  <em>That can’t be him, he said 7:30.</em>
</p><p>She hears a familiar voice echo through her thin apartment walls. “Scully, it’s me!”</p><p>“Dammit,” she whispers, throwing her sweater on over her head, grimacing as the fibers stick to her still damp skin.</p><p>“Yeah, Mulder, just come in” she shouts, more high pitched than normal. An attempt to mask the blatant irritation in her voice.</p><p>“It’s locked!”</p><p>“Jesus Christ,” she mutters, zipping up her pants as she hurries through her living room.</p><p>She opens the door, her breath catching the second she sees him. He stands fiddling with poorly balanced to-go containers, his hair damp, and his face cleanly shaven. Her stomach flips at the thought of him getting ready to come see her just as she had. Jesus, sometimes she felt like she was sixteen around him.</p><p>He looks up suddenly, “Hey! I brought Chinese. I hope you’re okay with–”</p><p>“You’re early,” she interrupts, spinning on her heels in retreat to the bathroom. “I’ll just be a second, I need to finish drying my hair.”</p><p>She feels a warmth slide around her waist.</p><p>“Why bother,” he whispers into her temple, kissing the spot his words touched.</p><p>She leans into him, already feeling a slight hardness against her lower back. She closes her eyes and smiles, all irritation melting away with his touch.</p><p>“It’s gonna get all flippy and weird,” she protests, sinking more comfortably into his embrace.</p><p>“I like it when your hair is all flippy and weird” he continues, this time into her neck, “Mmm, you smell like lavender.”</p><p>She tilts her head, allowing him to kiss down to her collarbone and shoulder. She spins around to face him, their lips meeting before their eyes. She wraps her hands around the nape of his neck, pinching his hair between her fingertips, opening her lips slightly. His tongue brushes along her bottom lip as he pulls her body flush to his. She whimpers into his open mouth as she feels his length against her lower stomach.</p><p>A <em>crash</em>. She whips her head free just in time to see the to-go containers Mulder had precariously balanced in one hand crashing to the floor of her apartment. A mixture of orange, white, and yellow seeping into her tan carpet.</p><p>“Is that egg foo young?” She asks as they kneel down together to salvage the mess.</p><p>“Yeah, you ordered it one time a few years ago when we were on that case in San Francisco and wouldn’t stop talking about how good it was and–”</p><p>“That’s so thoughtful, Mulder, thank you.” She kisses him gently, kneeling above their massacred meal.</p><p>“I am so sorry, do you want me to go pick up more?”</p><p>“No, it’s okay I think I salvaged most of it.” She stands, moving to bring the stained cartons to the kitchen.</p><p>“Okay, I’m gonna use your bathroom to wash up,” he yells over his shoulder, walking with his sticky hands outstretched in front of him like a little boy playing zombie.</p><p>She smiles to herself as she cleans the egg off her hands. Hearing the water in the bathroom twist off, she inhales deeply and starts.</p><p>“You know, Mulder, I’m not really that hungry right now.”</p><p>She holds her breath for a moment.</p><p>“I may need to work up an appetite.”</p><p>Her eyebrow arches and she exhales quickly. <em>She’s working on being bolder. </em>At no response she tentatively calls.</p><p>“Mulder?”</p><p>His footsteps quickly tumble down the hall. He stands at the end of the hallway holding the red speckled tissue paper. Her brow furrows when she sees the tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Mulder, what’s wrong-”</p><p>“What is this?” He says with a quiet urgency, clearly trying to control his emotions.</p><p>“What is <em>what</em> Mulder?” Scully starts, confused.</p><p>“This tissue. I saw it on the floor. Are you— “ He inhales sharply, the tears moments away from spilling.</p><p>“Oh my god, no. I cut my leg shaving.”</p><p>He exhales an audible half sob half laugh.</p><p>“Jesus. I’m so sorry I thought— It's just that your nose would, before— Ha, wow I’m sorry.” He wipes at his eyes quickly, breathing long and slow.</p><p>She steps toward him, his eyes staying downcast as she gets close. She twists her head down into his line of sight.</p><p>“Hey, look at me,” she whispers softly.</p><p>As his head tilts up she catches his lips with a gentle intensity, eliciting a warm flutter deep in her stomach. She pulls back and holds his face in her hands.</p><p>“I’m okay. I’ve <em>been</em> okay.” She circles her thumbs against his skin just under his sideburns.</p><p>“I was just saying…” She drags one hand down his chest and stomach, “...that I’m not feeling very hungry right now, and I may need some help building up an appetite.”</p><p>Her hand reaches his tenting pants. She grabs his hardness and squeezes, exhaling sharply as his mouth involuntarily falls open. He wraps his arms around her waist.</p><p>“That's something I can certainly help you with.”</p><p>He hoists her into the air and she instinctively wraps her legs around his center. <em>They’ve gotten pretty good at this.</em> Lips entangled, he carries her to the bedroom and places her softly in the center of her comforter.</p><p>She squirms underneath him as he kisses down her neck slowly, leaving a light trail of saliva that glistens in the hazy bedroom light. He lifts her sweater up and over her head, blood rushing to his lower extremities as her milky skin enters his line of vision.</p><p>He kisses her breasts slowly and methodically. Lifting her head up off the bed, he reaches behind her to undo her black lace bra, one he’s never seen before. Peeling the lace off of her skin, he sucks each rosey peak languidly, humming, barely audibly, as they harden beneath his tongue.</p><p>“Mulder,” she starts quietly. He moans low into her chest in response. “Don’t be gentle.”</p><p>His mouth freezes in it’s position. He lifts his head to look at her.</p><p>“You don’t like it when I’m gentle?” Her heart sank slightly, he sounded hurt.</p><p>“No– no, baby, I do.” She runs her fingers through the swoop of hair just above his forehead, “You just don’t have to always be so <em>careful</em> with me. I can take it a little…. harder every once in a while.”</p><p>His eyes flick back and forth, scanning her face for any hint of emotion. Her eyes don’t falter, and she meets his gaze with more intensity than he expected. Her mouth slightly agape, chest rising and falling in rapid succession, thighs tightening around his hips.</p><p>A mix of mischief and adoration wash across his face and he smiles.</p><p>“I’ll do <em>whatever</em> you want.”</p><p>He reaches down in between her legs, unbuttoning her pants and pulling them away. He inhales when he’s met with bare skin. She notices.</p><p>“You were early I didn’t have time to–” She gasps as he presses his thumb firmly into her clit.</p><p>“I love it.” He leans down to kiss her, but as she opens her mouth in preparation he pulls away. “I want to take care of you first.”</p><p>He suddenly plunges three fingers inside her, nearly covering his knuckles in her wetness. She cries out involuntarily, her hips writhing underneath him.</p><p>“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he nearly growls.</p><p>“Mmm, you make me so wet, ah–” he curls his fingers forward, hooking them onto her pubic bone.</p><p>He begins circling her clit with his thumb, pulsing his fingers in and out. Scully starts panting, trying to resist completely crying out.</p><p>“Fuck, you’re so good at that.”</p><p>Kissing down her stomach, trailing his tongue along her tight muscles, he grins.</p><p>“You know what else I’m good at?”</p><p>Before she can respond he licks up her folds to her clit, slowly, applying an even amount of pressure.</p><p>A low, guttural moan escapes her lips as her hips buck against his face. He draws her towards him with his fingers still hooked inside, and she whimpers, putting her fingers in her mouth, desperate for something to bite down on.</p><p>“I love hearing you baby, let it out,” he groans into her center.</p><p>Rhythmically pumping his fingers, as if beckoning her towards him, he begins to circle her clit with his tongue, gaining speed as her breath quickens. She pulls up the comforter, turning her face into the fabric.</p><p>Suddenly, he pulls away. She whines uncomfortably.</p><p>“If I can’t hear you, I’m going to stop.”</p><p>Struggling to catch her breath, she wiggles her hips toward him, desperate for contact.</p><p>“Please, Mulder–” she gasps as he pulls his fingers out of her quickly.</p><p>She throws her hands against the bed in defeat.</p><p>“Oh my fucking god, I’ll let you hear me, just <em>please</em> keep going,” her irritation fading into desperation.</p><p>Mulder laughs, “Okay, are you ready?”</p><p>Scully rolls her eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? If you don’t fuck me right no– OH my god!”</p><p>He plunges four fingers into her, pumping them at twice the speed. Quick gasps escape her mouth before he even re-introduces his tongue.</p><p>“Oh… my… godd,” she pants, gripping his hair with one hand and the now damp comforter with the other.</p><p>“You like that?” He grunts in between the rhythmic circling of his tongue on her clit.</p><p>“Yes, yes, I love that,” she almost shouts, her words devolving into a high pitched moan as her climax washes over her. “Mulder, don’t stop, don’t stop. Oh...<em>God...</em>”</p><p>Her legs stiffen and her toes curl, heals digging into his upper back. The energy of her orgasm jolting her upper back off the bed, her head falling back. Her body begins to shake, his cue to slow his tongue and fingers.</p><p>“Yes, baby, just like that. You’re so beautiful.”</p><p>With a shudder and a gasp she falls back onto the bed, beads of sweat rising on her forehead and chest. He stops completely as he watches her chest rise and fall. She puts a hand on her stomach, trying to calm.</p><p>He kisses up her body, starting at her toes; finding the newly scabbed knick on her knee; grabbing her hand and kissing every knuckle. He finally reaches her face. Her eyes are still closed and he kisses each eyelid. She giggles, and sighs slowly, content.</p><p>“Don’t get too comfortable, I’m not done with you yet.”</p><p>Her eyebrow arches and she opens her eyes, that familiar feeling already reigniting in her abdomen. She looks at him, his lips pink and swollen, reminiscent of her glistening on his chin.</p><p>“Fuck, you’re amazing,” she says, pulling his mouth to hers.</p><p>Mulder whines into her throat as he feels her hands undo his pants, slip into his boxers, and wrap around his length. He shimmies his (luckily loose) jeans down to his ankles, kicking them off. He moves to kiss her neck, but as she tightens her grasp he can’t help but bite down into her flesh.</p><p>Scully yelps and he lets go immediately.</p><p>“I like it, Mulder,” she reassures him as she reaches further down to grip below his hardness.</p><p>“Ohh,” he moans and bites down again, this time into her collarbone.</p><p>With an exhale, she pulls his length in her hands to the side, propelling him to flip onto his back. He gasps, closing his eyes as she licks down his body, the tips of her nipples brushing against his skin as she moves.</p><p>“Look at me,” she commands, as she presses her breasts together, sliding them slowly down his shaft.</p><p>“Jesus, Scully.” He throws his head back, gently stroking her hair as she wraps her mouth around his head.</p><p>She loves seeing him like this. She smiles as she works her tongue around his tip, tasting him seeping through.</p><p>“Thank you,” he whispers under his breath.</p><p>Lowering her fingers to knead his most sensitive area, she braces herself against his thighs anticipating his tightened legs and jolt upwards.</p><p>“Scully, I’m gonna come,” he breathes quickly.</p><p>She kneads with more pressure, taking him further into her mouth in preparation for his release.</p><p>“Oh my g– honey, hold on, please.”</p><p>She halts immediately, lifting her head up, unable to suppress the giddy grin spreading across her face at the sound of him calling her honey. She crawls her way up to his face again.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she asks, leaning into him tentatively.</p><p>He grabs her face in both of his hands, looking at her as if she’s the most stunning piece of art he’s ever seen. She is the most stunning piece of art he’s ever seen.</p><p>“I couldn’t be more okay,” he says kissing her hard and long, flipping her back into their original position.</p><p>“I just want to finish,” he presses his tip against her opening, “like this.”</p><p>She giggles as she squirms closer to him, looking into his eyes with a mixture of love and pure uninhibited desire.</p><p>“Mulder, please,” she pauses and takes a breath, “Hard.”</p><p>He obeys, and thrusts suddenly into her, watching her eyes widen and mouth open as she cries out reflexively.</p><p>He’d normally be terrified of hurting her, entering slowly, allowing time for her to adjust. But this is what she wants, and the husky, “<em>yes</em>,” that escapes her throat immediately reassures him that she’s okay. He thrusts into her again, pausing to breathe as he fills her as deeply as he can.</p><p>She groans low, sounding almost primitive, attempting to relax her walls to take him in further. She strains to keep her eyes open, trying to cement the moment into her mind, into her memory.</p><p>Following the momentum, he grabs her hands from her sides, and pins them above her head, pressing her wrists into the bedding. Suddenly, she feels a tightness spreading across her chest. Her eyes dart around erratically and her body stiffens.</p><p>Mulder notices this change and slows his pace, expecting her breath to slow with him, but it only quickens.</p><p>“Scully, are you okay?”</p><p>He stops moving completely, still holding her wrists. He inspects her face, her body. The primitive, sexual expression seeming to instantaneously disappear. Instead, he notices unmistakable fear flooding her eyes. </p><p>“Mulder, please stop,” she whispers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and that’s it!! if you’ve read i love you w my whole heart. is it okay to thank @cherry_funk and @stellaxxgibson again? bc they’re the best<br/>TW: panic attacks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>Following the momentum, he grabs her hands from her sides, and pins them above her head, pressing her wrists into the bedding. Suddenly, she feels a tightness spreading across her chest. Her eyes dart around erratically and her body stiffens.</p>
  <p></p>
  <div class="">
    <p>Mulder notices this change and slows his pace, expecting her breath to slow with him, but it only quickens. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“Scully, are you okay?” He stops moving completely, still holding her wrists. He inspects her face, her body. The primitive, sexual expression seemed to instantaneously disappear, and all he sees in her now vacant eyes is fear. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“Mulder, please stop,” she whispers. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He immediately pulls out, and moves to sit next to her. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“What do you need?” He asks cautiously, not daring to reach out and touch her until she’s given him the okay. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>She curls into the fetal position, her breath so rapid she begins to wheeze. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s happening–” she stops and begins to cry, hiding her face in her hands. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“Can I touch you?” Mulder asks, almost unable to restrain himself from taking her into his arms. </p>
  </div>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She shakes her head, still heaving into her hands. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Desperate for a way to be helpful, he tries again. “Can I get you some water?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She nods in between sobs. He jumps from the bed, running to the kitchen. She lay, listening to him slamming cupboards looking for a cup. She knew the thought of him running buck naked through her apartment, frantically looking for a water glass, would make her laugh later. But now, she tries to focus on nothing but her breath, and why the hell she was suddenly submerged in panic. That was gearing up to be the best sex of her life. <em>What the fuck was happening.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He comes back in with a glass of water and a wet washcloth. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Here, sit up, baby.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She does, bringing her knees to her chest. She sips slowly, attempting to use the water to force her breath to calm. She sets the cup on her nightstand and hides her face in her knees as she cries. She reaches for him without lifting her head. He immediately scoops her curled body into him, holding her head against his chest. He rocks her gently, rubbing the hot skin on her back with the cool washcloth.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe,” he repeats over and over. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Finally, her breathing slows and she pulls away, looking at him, her eyes so puffy he can hardly see the heavenly blue he so often gets lost in. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mulder, I don’t know what happened. Everything was amazing. Seriously. And then all of the sudden–” she stops, searching for the right word. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Panic?” He takes one of her hands in his, maintaining a light caress with his thumb. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah,” she exhaled. “It was just, when my arms were over my head and I couldn’t move I–” she can feel the panic bubbling again in her chest. She stops, taking a shaky breath. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did it trigger a memory?” He asks tentatively. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looks down, picking at the dry skin around her cuticles, and nods. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully, I am so sorry. This is why I was trying to be so gentle with you, I–” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, Mulder,” she interrupts in frustration. “I don’t want you to be scared of hurting me! That makes me feel worse. This was probably the best sex I’ve ever had–”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah, up until that moment. Up until I took it too far–” his voice cracks and he looks away. “I’m so sorry, I <em>know</em> this isn’t about me. I am just so terrified of hurting you. You saw how I reacted to a fucking tissue on your bathroom floor. It’s just the thought of you being sick again, or of you being hurt, is…” he tries to think of the right word but simply says, “too much.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looks at him with new tears in her eyes. “Mulder, no one has made me feel safer, and more loved, than you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He meets her gaze and smiles half-heartedly. “Scully, I’m so sorry.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Please stop saying that,” she rubs the crinkled skin at the bridge of her nose. “You know my history, and if you’re going to be in this with me, I need to know you’re not going to–” she pauses to harness her courage, “not going to make it about you when this happens.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She surveys his face, searching for any hint of offense or anger. Her head tilts at the softness of his expression. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully, I want nothing more than to be in this with you.” She returns his smile, releasing her defensive exterior. He cares so much, and she knows it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He continues, “I won’t make it about me. I want to be with you as we figure out what works, and what doesn’t.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She nods, taking his hand in hers. “Thank you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He brings her hand up with both of his and kisses her skin gently, and slowly. He reaches out, massaging up her forearm lighty. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you hungry? I could go heat up the food or–” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Her expression changes suddenly. She cuts him off with a kiss, pressing her lips to his with as much love and gratitude as she could muster. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“The food isn’t going anywhere, Mulder.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>With a firm hand against the center of his chest, she pushes him back onto the bed.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I want to try something. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She leans down to meet his form on the now very disheveled comforter, arching her chest into his as she kisses him, running her tongue along his bottom lip. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Straddling him, her hips begin to rock in rhythm with their kisses, rubbing her damp folds over his hardening length. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully, are you sure?” Mulder mumbles between sloppy kisses. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes,” she responds quickly, positioning him at her opening. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You have complete control,” he starts, the end of his words devolving into a groan as she slides down him, tightening her muscles as hard as she can. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She closes her eyes, keeping her hand pressed into his chest, as she rides him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mmm,” she moans as she rolls her hips back and forth. The head of his thickness repeatedly hitting her g-spot making her whimper. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Enjoying feeling so full, but unable to shake the tightness spread across her chest, she grabs his wrists and presses them into the mattress above his head. Hovering above his mouth, holding his hands, she quickens the speed of her hips. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He smiles at her, in awe of her power, and meets her rhythm with a sudden thrust. At the contact she cries out, the sound almost like a scream in its intensity. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you okay?” Mulder asks, retreating again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m fine,” she responds through gritted teeth. Her jaw clenched so tight he could see every tendon protruding in her neck. He lifts his head up to kiss her, but before his lips can reach hers she grabs a fist full of his hair, yanking his head back onto the bed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he breathes, closing his eyes in submission. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She quickens her pace even more. Normally, she’d be tumbling over the edge by now, screaming for him, begging him not to stop. Normally, she’d collapse onto him in a heap, unable to catch her breath, humming with content as he kissed her gently, using his lips to clean her, forgetting the mess they’d left on the sheets below. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She grunts in frustration yearning to feel that fire wash over her. She starts bouncing up and down, slamming him into her with as much force as she can handle. The noises escaping her mouth sound like exhausted sobs, sobs muffled by the impact of skin striking skin. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can I choke you?” She asks suddenly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh my god, yes” he replies, his expression looking like a kid loose in a candy store. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Releasing his hands, she wraps her french tipped fingers around his broad neck. Using both of her hands to cover his expanse, she feels his muscles tighten and pulse, throbbing as she squeezes. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do you like that?” she spits, almost sinisterly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He nods, panting as she tightens her grip. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully, I’m gonna come,” he rasps. “Come with me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She lets go of his neck, pulling him up to meet her vertically. She circles her hips as quickly as she can, working her clit with one hand, digging her nails into his back with the other, leaving a thick red trail as she draws them down in frustration. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Please, please,” she whimpers, her eyes tightly shut, sweat dripping down her forehead. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” she repeats, each more emphatic than the other. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He grabs her hips, his hands so large they almost completely cover her lower back. He pulls her toward him once, twice, and with the third, he’s moaning into her neck. His body convulses and he grunts, staggered and uninhibited. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She lets out a cry, one of exasperation, dropping her head onto his shoulder. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They stay still for a moment, breathing together. Mulder kisses her sticky neck gently and slowly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She feels him soft inside her, and her stomach twists in a way that makes her think she might throw up. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She slowly pulls off of him, and flops onto her destroyed comforter. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mulder pants, and lays next to her, no usual wandering hands reaching out to touch. “I can rally, I just need a minute.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s okay Mulder, I finished.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He simply looks at her, a hint of hurt in his eyes that she would think he wouldn’t be able to tell. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Defensively, she starts again, “I did!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully, I know you.” He responds calmly, sensing her frustration. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She puts her hands over her face, groaning angrily into her palms. She pulls them down, her eyes and face burning, “Mulder, did you enjoy that?” she asks, her words dripping with guilt. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you kidding?” he half laughs. “Scully–” he stops, unable to articulate the ways in which he could never not enjoy her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m so sorry, maybe you should just go. I'm feeling weird and–” she stands up grabbing her crumbled robe off of her dresser. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He sits up quickly, “Scully, don’t do that.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She ties the fabric around her, avoiding eye contact, “Don’t do what?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey, look at me,” the intensity of his voice stopping her movements. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“If you want to be alone, because you need to be alone, I’ll go. But don’t push me away because you’re scared. I’m here with you. I want to do <em>this</em> with you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looks at him, her face stone a moment, until her bottom lip begins to tremble. She brings one hand to her face, tapping the indent above her upper lip repeatedly with her fingers. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mulder sits on the edge of the bed, looking to her attentively, not daring to make any sudden movements. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Through clenched teeth she starts quietly, “I don’t remember the last time I felt like I had control over anything in my life.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He gulps in anticipation, but nods encouragingly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looks at him shaking her head back and forth, flustered and overcome with anger. “I just– I feel like I’ve lost sight of myself. I had this idea of what my life would be like and it’s–” Her expression changes as if she’s watching an idyllic life pass through her mind, “It’s nothing like what I thought.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mulder remains still, anticipating more, watching her pick furiously at her cuticles again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m so fucking sick of things <em>happening</em> to me. I get a chip implanted in my neck, a chip that gives me <em>cancer</em>. They take my fucking ova out of my body, and no one thinks to tell me! You found them Mulder, you found <em>my ova</em> and you didn’t tell me! I mean, what the fuck!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She rubs her hands over her eyes, and pinches the skin at the bridge of her nose, not caring about the mascara that’s undoubtedly already smeared. She exhales slowly and steadily, her breath sounding almost like a hiss in it’s escape. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“When I couldn’t move– when my arms were above my head, I felt like I did–” she gestures vaguely and breathes again, “and so I thought, if I did that to you, if I pinned you down and took away your control, I would–.” She shakes her head in disgust at herself, not even sure what exactly she was hoping for.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mulder, after waiting a moment to be sure she wasn’t going to speak again, starts calmly, “I have an idea of something we could try that might help, if you’re willing.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What?” she spits, more harshly than she intended. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well,” he begins carefully, “we could start a list.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She half laughs, half scoffs. “A list?” she looks at him, her skin wrinkling between her eyebrows. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah, a list of things to avoid when we’re intimate together. Things that you know, and that we learn, will trigger you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Her expression softens. In seeing this, he continues, “We can also have a list of things you want to try that will help you feel like you have the control you need.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They hold in a brief moment of silence. He starts again, “Does that sound like something you’d want to do?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looks at him, watching his eyes flick back and forth trying to discern her answer. She lowers her head, and begins to laugh. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Scully–” he begins but stops as her laugh quickly turns into sobs. She sinks down to her knees, sitting on her ankles, crying with her arms wrapped around herself. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He swiftly moves and kneels next to her, awaiting her next move, content to sit next to her in silent support forever if needed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can I–” but before he can finish she moves into his outstretched arms. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He rubs her back, stroking her hair, resisting the tears pooling in his own eyes. He wants to hold this space for her. He wants to hold a space for her always. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>With his jaw hinged, he murmurs into her tousled hair, “I should have told you.” He breathes. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I did.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He feels her shake her head into his chest. He wraps his arms around her more tightly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Even quieter than before he whispers, “I love you so much.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She pulls away, and looks at him, her ocean eyes rendering him unable to move, think, or breathe. She kisses him softly. “I love you too.” She wipes the wetness from her face. “And I’d love to make a list,” she says through a halfhearted laugh. “Thank you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He touches her still damp cheek with his hand, pulling her to him and kissing her forehead. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His lips still pressed to her skin, she starts, “Mulder?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes?” He pulls away to look at her, stiffening in preparation. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m so fucking hungry,” she almost whines in exasperation. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They look at eachother and burst into laughter.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Me too,” he sighs, helping her up. Turning around briefly to throw on his pants, he hears Scully gasp quietly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Whipping around he turns to see Scully still, looking down. He follows her gaze to find his thick white oozing down her inner thigh. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Let me go clean up really quick,” she smiles, turning to retreat to the bathroom. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hold on,” Mulder interrupts urgently. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She stops, spinning to face him. Slowly, he kneels before her, bowing his head slowly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mulder, what’re you do–” she inhales sharply as his tongue meets the trail of his desire just below her knee. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Looking up at her he says, “I want to clean up my mess.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He draws his hot tongue slowly up her thigh, taking himself in, like warm honey, looking into her eyes the whole time. He reaches her folds, and she moans quietly as he drinks the remainder. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He pulls away and, with his white warmth visible on his tongue, Scully bends down slowly. Commanding his stillness with her eyes, she opens her mouth, taking him– taking <em>them</em> in. A throaty moan erupts within her as their burning tongues tangle, their mixture coating her mouth in salty sweetness. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They part, both beginning to pant, looking at each other, unable to find words. She falls into him, into a firm embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and nestling her head into his shoulder. They inhale and exhale together. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m going to go heat up the egg foo young,” she whispers, almost giddily, into his ear. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He grins wide, watching her as she bounces around the corner to the kitchen. He moves to her nightstand to grab a pad and pen. Just as he’s shutting the door her voice booms through the walls. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh my god, my HAIR!” </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hiiiiii thank you for reading this is your virtual hug pit stop</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HI OMG YOU MADE IT TY chapter 2 will probably be posted tomorrow</p></blockquote></div></div>
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